Mesokathizophobia

Our Honda has three seats in back, and three seat belts, but I've only ever allowed two people to sit in the middle seat in the back, both of them children. That's because scientific studies have shown that middle seats induce mesokathizophobia in adults. Also, a big grown up head blocking the rear window can make it really hard for me to keep an eye out for the Highway Patrol as I'm blowing down the freeway at extralegal velocity.

Well, it's a good thing I'm so concientious about mesokathizophobia prevention because, this past Sunday, I'm coming back from San Juan Bautista with Tony and Jeff, and there's this big old tow truck in front of me, except it's not a tow truck, it's one of those trucks where they haul the car onto the bed of the truck, which makes it kind of a flatbed truck, except not really. Well, suffice to say it's just a big ass truck.

And this big ass flatbed tow truck was switching lanes back and forth in a really gratuitous and irresponsible manner. I soon tired of the big ass truck and its macabre ballet, and hit the gas in an effort to put it far behind me.

Now keep in mind this was Memorial Day weekend and the CHP was pulling people over left and right all day. But I thought "I'm safe. What are the chances the CHP is going to stop me? I'm not even really speeding. I'm just trying to get away from the big ass truck. It's more like I'm taking evasive action."

So I drive like a bat out of hell for thirty seconds or so, and then I check my rearview mirror to see how much distance I've placed between me and the big ass truck. And in the rearview I see nothing.

Nothing but BLACK AND WHITE!!!

I look down at the spedometer, and I'm doing 80. I heard Jeff say "He's got his lights on, Big Daddy."

I pulled over to the right lane, reflecting somberly on my long career of lawlessness and my many narrow escapes from justice,and just as I'm doing that, the CHP guy pulls in front of me, accelerates and takes down some other poor bastard.

Hoo boy! You wanna talk about a close one!

So as the CHP guy heads off into the distance, and I'm sitting there hyperventilating, I see Garlic World over on my right. I pulled in because I was shaking so hard, I felt like it wasn't really safe for me to drive.

Which I guess brings me to the point of the story.

Jeff ate garlic ice cream. Bleeeech!!! He said he liked it, but, frankly, it stunk up the whole car.

Kurt "big daddy" True
2 june 2005