No Parking

On Wednesday, we went to a memorial service in Nevada City, me, Tony and our friend Deirdre. I figure this is going to be a hassle-free memorial service, right? Pleasant drive, small town, scenic historical type church with the historical plaque out front.

Well, I'm afraid my optimism was misplaced. There is no place to park in Nevada City!

No place!

And there's nothing there but some antique shops and various historical buildings with plaques in front of them. Apparently lots of historical stuff happened in Nevada City at one time or another.

Well, I got news for you, Nevada City! Plenty of historical stuff happened in Sonoma, too, but I can always find a place to park!

On the way back home, we stopped at Cafe Italiano in Davis, which is right off the freeway. It's not at all historic, but the parking was excellent.

So then I'm heading up to Sebastopol yesterday for my dad's birthday with Tony, and Tim, the teenager who sorts the recycling for us, and I mention this memorial service we went to and how there was no place to park and how we ended up three blocks up the hill from the church and that's only because we had a disabled parking permit, and Tim says, "You should always die someplace where there's good parking."

And then it hit me! Las Vegas funeral chapels!

Think about it! They already have all those chapels out there for people to get quickie weddings. And you can always find a place to park! Why not turn Las Vegas into the funeral capital of the world!

And you could have special theme funerals, like maybe an Elvis impersonator could come out and sing gospel tunes as they're hauling you out the door in a casket decorated with sequins and flatback rhinestones.

Or you could have different themes depending on the location. Like at the Excalibur, you could have a big medieval funeral with a procession of self-flagellating monks, or, you know, at the Las Vegas Hilton, they have that whole Star Trek area. And then there's always Circus Circus.

Kurt "big daddy" True
6 february 2005