Not ready for my closeup

I work for an academic department on the Berkeley campus, and for the most part I like working there, but there are some things I don't like about working there.

In fact there are some things that nobody likes about working there, and one thing that just about all of us absolutely hate about working there is that every year somebody drags out a digital camera at the Christmas party and takes pictures of us in a part of the building where a combination of harsh afternoon sun and fluorescent light make us all look like boozey geriatric relics from the Golden Age of Hollywood stumbling pitiably through the lyrics of a Cole Porter tune on the set of the Dinah Shore show in 1975.

That shouldn't happen to anyone, not even Gloria Swanson.

Well, I say, it's time to fight back!

Call it extreme. Call it unprofessional. Call it an offensive, possibly litigatable abuse of my power as a Web host and freelance humorist!

But in an effort to put this deplorable tradition to rest, I have uploaded some of the most reprehensible photos after superimposing upon them some thoughtful and inspiring dialog balloons.

Kurt "big daddy" True
18 december 2004