Livin' la vida 'rito!

My friends told me my life would be boring when I moved to the suburbs. Boy, were they wrong!

Every year around this time a colorful drama unfolds in the backyard as kamikaze woodrats try to eat all my grapes without getting picked off by the neighborhood hawk.

Sometimes I just sit there with a cup of coffee and watch 'em for an hour or so. "Watch out Fluffy!" I say. "He's on your tail! Head for the woodpile! Dive! Dive!"

That's the key to happiness in the suburbs. You have to learn to make your own excitement. Like yesterday, for example. Jeffrey came over, and I made enchiladas and we played the Game of Life.

Remember the Game of Life? It used to have a picture of Art Linkletter on the box with the caption "I highly endorse this game."

Yeah, well, it was great game for kids because it teaches you all about personal finance.

Like when your friend goes to college and becomes a doctor, and you're a lowly journalist making half his salary, rather than give up hope of ever retiring to Millionaire Acres, you should sue his ass and invest the money in the stock market.

Then when he gets to the Day of Reckoning, he has to put his last few dollars on the wheel in a desperate attempt…

Perhaps I should let the action-packed MySpace video tell the story.

Kurt "big daddy" True
3 september 2006