Dawrksahdidd!

Just when I thought I couldn't get any less productive, I discovered Google videos.

I get bored at work and I start surfing through them. Then if I find one I like, I keep going back to my browser history and playing it over and over. This afternoon, I said to myself "Big Daddy, cut back already! You've just about memorized the Margaret Perrin meltdown clip from 'Trading Spouses.'"

Then I got to thinking, OK, maybe my Google video habit hasn't been such a waste of time after all. Perhaps I've learned some lessons that might prove valuable in the course of carrying out my professional responsibilities, such as they are.

For example, we have this meeting once a month. It's called a "Floor Meeting." I don't know who in the hell came up with the idea that everybody on the floor needs to meet once a month, but we started doing this as soon as we moved into the new building back in May or June last year.

Now, obviously there's no point to this meeting, right? So the people who called the first meeting together decided to create a point more or less ex nihilo. The point of this meeting, they decided, would be to decide who brings refreshments to the next meeting.

So once a month, we have a meeting where people have refreshments and pass around a sign up sheet so people can sign up to bring refreshments to future meetings.

Oh yeah. And this is also the meeting where they pass around the sign up sheet for who's going to clean the kitchen because you really want your kitchen cleaned by the full time employees who go to the all important "Floor Meeting" rather than the vast and largely idle army of unskilled part timers we have traipsing in and out of here all day long.

I mean, you don't want just anybody cleaning your kitchen!

Now, I don't go to these meetings, because I think they're ridiculous, but I got to thinking about what would happen if I went to the next floor meeting and reenacted a few key moments from this video I keep watching.

What if I tore up the sign up sheets and threw them out into the hall exclaiming "I rebuke it in the Name of the Lord!"

Also, I'm thinking I'll point out any "darksided" (pronounced "dawrksahdidd") items in the room, including oddly shaped pastries and any ostentatious jewelry or accessories worn by my coworkers.

Then I'll fold my arms, stare down the office manager and declare "I ask the questions. That's why I'm the warrior."

I can see myself getting a promotion out of this.

Kurt "big daddy" True
20 january 2006