Pink House of Horror

I guess a lot of places the kids don't go trickertreating anymore, but in El Cerrito the tradition is alive and well. People go all out for Halloween here.

We even have a contest for best decorated house, so you see people setting up faux graveyards on the front lawn and installing animatronic ghouls from the Walmart on their porches.

Me, I can't see shelling out good money for a plastic Frankenstein that's gonna sit in your garage maybe 363 days a year. Besides, if you're like me, you probably have all kinds of stuff sitting around your house that's already scary, given the proper context.

Think about it. All those old Dracula movies where Bela Lugosi is walking around in his castle. What makes the castle so scary? The crap! The castle is cluttered floor to ceiling with useless old junk.

Urns, candle holders, vases, tapestries, ceremonial swords, bird cages, ridiculously impractical Queen Anne furniture. It looks the Transylvania Salvation Army Store in there.

You want to have some fun this Halloween and not wake up broke on All Souls Day, do like Big Daddy. Just gather up a bunch of your old crap and arrange it in your living room window.

For lighting, I recommend souvenir jelly jars with those emergency votive candles from Walgreen's. (You probably have some in your disaster preparedness kit.) Also now might be a good time to dig through your hall closet and see if you can find your lava lamp.

Your house will look scary, believe me. With any luck, some of the younger and more sensitive children will be afraid to ring your doorbell, so you'll save money on candy too.

Kurt "big daddy" True
30 october 2005