Tricks & Treats

The Halloween pumpkin used to be my second favorite thing about Halloween, right behind the vivid hallucinations I used to get from eating too much candy corn.

Now, though, it's just starting to seem like another chore. In fact, about every third year, I don't even bother to carve it, I just decorate it with some Mr. Potatohead parts and put a Mag light on it. And then some rotten kid steals my Mag light! Every time!

Welcome to the wonderful world of Kurt and Tony's Halloween traditions. This will be our 11th Halloween together, and through the years, we've turned the Halloween season into our own little socio-cultural phenomenon.

Tony always starts out shortly after Labor Day buying bags of fun-size Snickers bars and then hiding them around the house only to drag them out on November 1st, when all danger of their being handed out to small children has passed.

Since I know these cleverly concealed Snickers bars are never going see the inside of a trickertreat bag, I always go to the Brach's candy counter at the supermarket and load up on bulk fruit chews. The kids love 'em. And you wanna talk about cheap! You could spend more money handing out dog food.

And speaking of cheap, I never bother with any of those commercially produced Halloween decorations. Why should I? We have so much useless crap in this house, all I have to do is strategically arrange some of the more macabre items in the big picture window with a few gaudy candle holders, and Presto! Instant haunted house!

Then, when the big day rolls around, we invite a few friends over, put Priscilla Queen of the Desert on the VCR and take turns answering the doorbell. Come pay us a visit.

If you dare!

Kurt "big daddy" True
24 october 2004