Paint me annoyed.

I poked my head out of the Pink House this morning, and I didn't see my shadow. I guess that means you're in for six more Very Annoying Expressions.

1 Emphasis added

Can we all just agree to stop adding emphasis? It's getting a little ridiculous. I was reading this religion blog the other day. I saw something that looked like this:

'But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her.' (Emphasis added!)

Yeah. Well, first of all, I think most people are probably aware that St. Paul's First Letter to the Corinthians did not include bold font and italics.

Also, adding emphasis is annoying enough. Telling me that you added emphasis just makes me want to smack you upside the head with my Chicago Manual of Style.

2 Again

Tell me something, are people unclear on why the written word was invented?

It was invented so we could stop repeating ourselves, right? You have a recipe, a law, creation myth, a folk tale you need to preserve? Easy. Write it down. Once.

No more repeating the same old information twelve-thousand times around the campfire so your grandchildren don't forget how to make cheese or what to do when somebody steals a goat.

Having a written language means you never have to say something like this:

I'm so sorry to hear about your child's unfortunate experience at Miniature Golf Camp.

Once you work through some of your feelings of anger and disillusion, perhaps you might follow up on last week's blog entry about little Timmy's morbid fear of clowns.

Again, I'm so sorry about Minature Golf Camp.

What is the point of saying it again?! Did you think we missed it the first time? Did you think we forgot the opening sentence while we were reading the part about the clowns?

Even if we did, you know what would happen? We would say, "What did that first part say? I don't remember. No problem. I'll go back and read it again."

See how that works? When you write stuff down, people can always go back and read it again. You don't have to write it again.

And frankly, I have a feeling there are a lot of preliterate cultures where, if you walked around saying "Again" all the time, they would probably throw your ass in a volcano.

3 The Supremes

I actually don't have a problem with this one as long as you're referring to high-octane gasoline or Diana Ross' former backup singers. If you're talking about the people in the black robes in the big building in Washington, that would be the Supreme Court of the United States of America.

sfgate, I'm talkin' to you!

4 Painted as

You know who gets "painted as" all the time? Bill Clinton.

"The Democratic Party painted Clinton as a savior."

"Novak painted Clinton as a cigar-chomping womanizer."

"Senator Clinton painted her husband as a twinkie-sneaking junk food addict."

What ever happened to "characterized as"? Doesn't that make a lot more sense?

You know what I think of when you start talking about painting people? I think of those go-go dancers in the bikinis on "Rowan and Martin's Laugh In", with the psychedelic body paint.

I don't want to think about Bill Clinton that way. Ever.

5 Wake up call

There are, on average, three to seven wake up calls about Global Warming in the San Francisco Chronicle every day.

You know what? I'm awake already. I bought an energy efficient refrigerator, and I rode my bike to work all week. Sure. Why not? It's 63 degrees in February.

Now can we please hang up on this tired, tortured metaphor?!

6 Steel cut oats

Steel cut? Of course they're steel cut! What in the hell else do you cut oats with? A laser beam?

What next? Steel cut steaks? Steel cut zucchini? Steel cut hair?

OK, I better stop right there. I don't want to give the annoying expression community any new ideas.

Kurt "big daddy" True
2 february 2007